1. A Grief Observed is a moving, thought-provoking, and deep work of literature written by C. S. Lewis. The first part of the small book focuses on Lewis's grief-laden thoughts. He explains what his grief feels like. He talks about what life is like now, how it is different. He misses his wife; the reality of her death hovers over all areas of his life. He is taking life one step at a time. He misses her, their love, their short marriage. He doesn't want to be selfish in his mourning. How should he go on from here? Religious pat answers won't do. After expressing these and other related thoughts, Lewis changes his thoughts and questions his own doubts. He realizes that this heart-wrenching situation should not affect his faith, though it is quite hard. The pangs will still come, but he has to allow himself to see clearly. He is realizing that grief is a "process" and is learning to find ways of positive, joyful thinking.
This is the backdrop to the portion of text I want to interpret. Lewis is now into questions of how to keep "H." alive in his heart without doing injustice to himself or to her. Beginning on page 65 (and going through page 68), Lewis discusses the difference between what he thinks or remembers of H. compared to what and who she truly was. He writes, "Images, whether on paper or in the mind, are not important for themselves. Merely links." He relates this to needing "Christ, not something that resembles Him. I want H., not something that is like her." He has to constantly break himself of the images of God that take him away from who God fully, truly, ultimately is. This understanding and connection bring Lewis a hope. He questions whether God is his path to H. or his end in life, and hopes that God is still his end--his real hope with or without remembrance of H.
2. This text deserves interpretation because of its deep thought processes, theological implications, and life applications. When first reading this through, I thought I knew the message; and maybe I did, but my understanding was shallow. There is a difference between knowledge and understanding, and this text requires real comprehension from re-reading and spending time with its ideas, even those which seem to be apparent at first.
3. This writing deals with more than just grief, though grief is its overarching theme. It pushes past the basics and goes deep into mind struggles with God on what holding onto Him really means, what truly reaching for Him looks like. Seeing the book as a discussion on more than just grief itself is one way of approaching its pages that opens up our minds to get to the core of what subjectivity and reality are about.
One theme I find from looking deeper into this text is that of the power of our subjectivity. We have strong tendencies to approach people, even God, with our own ideas of who they are, what they should be, how we remember them, and what we want them to be. Our unique lives cause us all to have these differing viewpoints, attitudes, and approaches. However, this should not keep us from appreciating who people are outside of who we see them to be. All of who my brother fully is can not be based solely on my interactions with or observations of him. He's more than that. When I put my subjective expectations on him without considering him as his own person, it limits my ability to access all of who he is.
This subjectivity similarly affects how we view God. We put boxes around what He can, could, would, or would not do. I act like I know Him when many times I am really just acting out of what I think I know of Him. Instead of actually trusting, I trust enough that I'm confident about getting the answer I want. I see what I know of Him without searching for more. I get set on my reality that I sometimes forget that God is the Ultimate Reality.
To summarize, understanding this theme of the implications of subjectivity brings about an awareness of reality that can help us to live life more fully. Subjectivity is not all bad. God made us unique and because of our differences He meets all our needs personally, specially, and tailored to who we are. It allows us to see God in personal ways. Subjectivity itself, though, can be quite unfair and even dangerous if left unnoticed. Realizing its reality helps to better appreciate and value others' realities.
4. The message of subjectivity and reality comes from Lewis's thoughts on one of my favorite quotes from the book: "Not my idea of God, but God. Not my idea of H., but H." Pages 65 through 68 deal with this idea. Lewis talks about the photographs he has of H., concluding that he is not satisfied with them . . . he wants to know who she really is, not what she looks like or what reminds him of her or who his memories tell him she was. This idea seems basic at first, but the more I think about it the more it overwhelms me with thoughts such as those previously discussed.
Lewis says, "I need Christ, not something that resembles Him. I want H., not something that is like her. A really good photograph might become in the end a snare, a horror, and an obstacle." A photograph can lend itself to such subjective interpretation that it scares Lewis that he will see it and gather from it things that aren't really true to the heart of H. Similarly, the images of Christ in communion do Him no justice whatsoever. They point to Him, but they are not really Him. It's a simple statement with much deeper significance.
In relating to acknowledging our subjectivity, Lewis says, "My idea of God is not a divine idea. It has to be shattered time after time." This is why I believe we can take from this text that our subjectivity shadows how we see other people and God. Our views are limited, so we need to acknowledge that and consciously keep our subjective realities in check. Doing this is a continual process: "All reality is iconoclastic." The true, actual reality of others and of God will constantly break our "icons," our images or subjective ideas, of who they really are.
5. One thing I love about the interpretation I have gathered from this book is that its message applies to both everyday life and to specific times of grief. From day to day I want to check myself to keep my subjective, limited ideas from hindering my ability to fully experience God and the people He has put in my life. We can use this understanding to encourage openness and discourage one-sided expectations. Doing so opens us up to a relationship with God that is based on true relationship, yearning to know Him for who He actually is and not just who we think He is. This means going past Sunday school images and memorized hymns and engaging in conversation with the God who is able to and does reveal Himself personally, openly, freely.
In time of grief, remembering our subjectivity can help us to move forward while still loving the people we have lost on this earth. Instead of worrying over remembering details and keeping every photo or memento, it is more important to focus on who those people truly were. What made them individuals? How did God see them? Who were they apart from the ideas of them in our minds? I have not yet had to deal with the loss of someone close to me; but when I do, I hope to not let my wishes of having their physical selves change the facts of who they really were. I don't want my mournful desires to make my subjective wishes seem like reality. I want to embrace who they really were. My interaction with them here on this earth will not again be possible, so why should I pretend like it is? It is a natural reaction that I probably will experience, but my hope is that I will not dwell on it but rather live in reality, keeping distorted images from forming and loving the totality of who they were and who their legacy is.
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