A Grief Observed.

I truly enjoyed these first two chapters of A Grief Observed. I have never experienced the death of a close loved one, but I think C. S. Lewis writes beautifully the thoughts, emotions, turmoils, frustrations, and disparities of a mourning heart. It has given me insight into what the experience might be like. It is written in an honest and raw way. Lewis even ponders the questions of why God lets these types of things happen. It was at this point that this book reminded me of Professor Corrigan's essay that deals with questions. Those questions were about spiritual hope, facing darkness, and experiencing both. The essay reminded us that since we know Jesus is with us, we need to frame our questions correctly. We should rather be asking where God is amidst the darkness. Similarly, Lewis is trying to understand what questions to ask and what conclusions to draw. He knows God is there, but he is afraid he won't like what He finds.

"When you are happy, so happy that you have no sense of needing Him, so happy that you are tempted to feel His claims upon you as an interruption, if you remember yourself and turn to Him with gratitude and praise, you will be--or so it feels--welcomed with open arms."
     How many times have we, have I, experienced this? It is all too easy to feel God and His blessings when things are so good that we fail to communicate with Him, spend enough time with Him, or acknowledge Him other than to quickly thank Him.

"Her absence is like the sky, spread over everything."
     This gives me the picture of vastness. Whether sunny or cloudy, blue or grey, it is there. Everyone sees it. None can avoid it. It covers everything everywhere. What an emptiness to miss someone in this way! I can not imagine what it feels like to have everything remind me of someone, to have everything changed because that person is not a part of life. It is amazing how the love of another person adds so much to one's life . . . definition, meaning, purpose, strength, joy. Even though the actual things and actions may be the same, they're different because this person is not a part of them any longer.

"One only meets each hour or moment that comes."
     This reminds me of God's grace. That grace is sufficient for all our needs. God will never bring us into a situation that He won't bring us through. Life is a journey that we encounter step by step. When faced with huge storms (cancer, death, unhappiness), we get through them little by little and realize our God is way bigger and the problems start to appear way smaller.

It's interesting how Lewis recognizes that his thoughts may be re-creating who "H" was, his memories becoming less genuinely her and more constructed through him. He is afraid that one day what he thinks was true of her may have actually become not so accurate. Maybe an odd connection, but this actually made me think about what I know of God. Is what I know of Him actually who he is? Or is it constructed thoughts that I've pieced together based on things I've been told, memories that haven't been refreshed? It's a good spiritual  reality check.